26 April 2012

How am I the bad guy here? I would just really like to know how that happened.

Christian has been over to our apartment every day for almost two straight weeks. It's gotten a little old. I was just confused because Caisey said things got better between them when he stopped spending so much time here, but then she had him over every day.

Add that to how they got into a fight last weekend, and color-me-confused when he shows up every day.

Basically, 2+2 is not getting me 4. It's getting me 13.6854. You know?

After the way he's been treating her, though, I'm really worried for her. He's been getting more and more rude when he gets angry with her.

Part One: Their Issues

• He never tells her when he goes places or is planning trips or is in our building, but calls her a liar when she doesn't tell him when she goes places.
• A couple instances of this include him not previously informing her that he was going on a couple different trips: one with his mom, and another with his friends. She got angry because he never told her about them, but then brought them up as after thoughts in separate conversations. He had only informed her about a small trip he was taking with his dad. Then when he let her know about the other trips, he got short with her, as he expected her to know about the trips with Mom and Friends. She was in a foul mood for the rest of the night, and it got on my nerves until I asked her what her problem was.
• More recently, he was apparently in our building and didn't tell her; when she saw him on the elevator, he neither spoke to her nor even acknowledged her existence. This made her even angrier than previous arguments, and was what prompted the "I'm done. I'm done with him" fight last weekend. How he managed to sweet talk his way back into her good graces I shall never know. More importantly, why she puts up with his attitude and over-reactions time and time again I will never, ever, understand.
• He constantly does/says things that irritate the living piss out of her.
• I don't know what all happened over their Spring Break trip, but whatever it was, she was seriously ready to knock his head off when they got back. She told me how he did that elevator jump thing that everyone does at some point in their life: not really a relationship-ending problem, but apparently that was only the tip of the iceberg, since she had asked him to not do that, and he did it a couple more times after she had asked him to stop. 
• While they were packing for the SB trip, he was basically throwing things into the suitcase, including hers, and when she asked him to stop and to just hand her certain things, he decided it would be a good idea to play keep-away like a four-year-old. I could see the frustration on her face so clearly, I honestly thought she was about to make him leave so she could pack herself. (side note: she did eventually re-pack the entire suitcase herself, because he is in fact a male and knows nothing about efficiently packing a suitcase)
• His opinions about certain things honestly make me want to punch him. A few months ago--it might have been last semester, I'm not sure anymore--We were all talking about his roommate, Wesley, who is gay (he hadn't come out to anyone at that point). I was casually ribbing him about something he had said, and said something to the affect of him maybe being a little bit gay, to which he replied, "Hell no! I'm not a fucking faggot!" ... I'll let you allow that to sink in a little bit.
• I'm not going to say that I've never used the word fag or faggot, because I have. The difference between my usage of it and his usage of it, however, is that I have never, never, used the word in a derogatory fashion. Ever. I have used it to my gay friends, and they turned it around on me, saying that I'm a "fag hag," which I am. I have never been offended by that word--mostly because all of the gay people I know/am friends with don't find the word itself derogatory--but when I heard Christian say that particular gem, I immediately turned to Caisey with a look that said "are you going to do anything about your asshole of a boyfriend and what he just said?!" She only gave me a look that said "sorry, but what can I do about it?" She told me afterward, however, that she lay down the law when she got him out of the apartment. She told me that she told him something to the affect of "If you ever say anything like that, or use that word around me or my friends, you will be sorry," and he hasn't used it since.

Now, these two problems wouldn't normally be any cause for concern. What worries me is how often these two issues surface in their relationship. I don't think it's healthy, and when it blows up in her face later, she can call her sister and cry to her, but I will not want to hear it. My limit has been surpassed ten-fold, and I am sick of dealing with this... bullshit.

Part Two: My Issues

Fast forward to today. I wanted to talk to Caisey about something really personal that happened last night, and she told me to let her know when I got back from classes so that we could talk, because she was going to be at Christian's dorm with him. I got back a little later than I anticipated, but was exhausted, so I went to my bed and napped for about 2 hours (It was glorious, by the way: I really needed the extra sleep). When I woke up, Caisey was in the living room. Christian was with her.

Ugh, okay, so I guess we're not talking about anything today, since you're going to be in perfect girlfriend mode.

I need to point out that at one point last night, I ended up slipping and falling straight on my ass. It's been hurting ever since.

So I go into the kitchen to get a glass of water, and I see Christian just chilling on the couch--again. I'm kind of annoyed that he's here again, but my hip is hurting more than I am feeling annoyed, so I just want to get my glass of water and go lie back down. 

Caisey comes in a few minutes later, asking me if there's any reason that I'm huffing and puffing and slamming doors (our bedroom door doesn't shut completely without a good bit of force behind it, and I had already lay down, so I gave it a good push with one hand, and it did indeed slam closed. I wasn't angry, I was just lazy and didn't want to get up to close it). I tell her that I was already on my bed and had to shut it that way, which I don't think she accepted, but she let it slide.

And the pain in my hip, doubled with my stress over my looming finals and my slight annoyance with her asshole boyfriend and his consistent presence in our living space, led me to ask probably the wrong question:

"There's not way that I can phrase or ask this without sounding rude, but does he have to be here every day?" 

"He's my boyfriend." Yes, I know. Congratulations. He's an asshole to you 60% of the time, and an asshole in general 98% of the time. You've also cheated on him at least twice, so this statement really does absolutely nothing to answer my question.

"Yeah, but does he have to be here every day?"

You can probably tell that this conversation did not go well.

She got indignant with me, saying that he's her boyfriend, and if he wants to spend time here he can; that they're not in my space; that I can't have the whole apartment to myself (not true, because she could easily go over to his room to spend time with him--she just doesn't because she thinks she's too good for that place; direct quote: "I hate Morrill"), etc., etc. 

She got rude, too. Wouldn't let me finish a sentence. I was halfway through making a point when she interrupted me, and when I asked, "Would you let me finish a fucking sentence?" She outright told me, "No!"

Very mature.

It all snowballed from there. She told me she was sick of me having a problem with her boyfriend, but that it wasn't my business what she does in her relationship. I told her it was because she was too stubborn and independent for her own good, although being independent was a good quality to have as a person. She told me something about how she was walking on eggshells, and that it was a monthly thing with me (not true--I only have an issue with him when he's an asshole to her for no reason, which I can't help if he's an asshole on a monthly basis), and, again, that it wasn't my business. 

There was something about how she's in a relationship (yeah, I know--you've mentioned that a couple times), and it was different, and I couldn't say anything about it because I wasn't in one. That was I was doing with Mitch wasn't the same thing--that it was worse, because I complained about him and we weren't even in a relationship (I feel like her anger was getting the better of her and she was losing steam with her argument). There was more stuff on my end about  how her relationship wasn't healthy, and she came back with, "When you're done trying to be my therapist, let me know." 

I also said some things that I probably shouldn't have, like things about her.. behavior last semester before she started dating Christian. I don't regret saying them, because they were relevant to our argument, but I shouldn't have brought them up for the reasoning I did. It wasn't fair of me.

I finally told her that I was sick of her bitching about Christian, and that if she wanted to complain about everything that he did, I didn't want to be the one to hear it, because she was just going to discount anything I said anyway. She said she wouldn't.

She ended things by being incredibly mature and saying, "I'll just sleep on the couch for the next two weeks."

I got the last word by telling her, "That is petty and stupid!"

It really is, though.

I really didn't want this to happen. All I was going to say was if he was going to be here all the time, if he could clean up after himself. He used one of my cups and didn't even put it in the sink before he left.

I know he's going to be here all the time. Even if he's an asshole, he's still her boyfriend, and they're going to spend time together. Just make him clean up after himself and I won't have a problem.

Actually, that's not true:

I have a problem with her being a pushover since she started dating him. She lets him get away with an alarming amount of bullshit, and I'm honestly surprised she's let it go this far.

I'm also annoyed because she harped and bitched at me for months because she couldn't "live in a world where her best friend and her boyfriend didn't get along" (that sounded like a crock of shit to me), but then she's not been little miss perfect girlfriend by any means. I always thought people that got cheated on were resolved to never cheat on anyone because they knew what it felt like to have that kind of pain.

Guess not.

I really don't think it's fair that she got so mad at me for not "approving" of her boyfriend when she's cheated on him. You don't get to be angry at me for that when you're the one going and sleeping with other guys. You're just not allowed to do that.

I can't type any more. I'm tired of thinking about this.

And Caisey came back into the room to grab her towel before taking a shower. The hostility was so thick I could have cut it with a knife.

So she's pissed. I get that. But she made it that way. All I was going to ask was that he clean up after himself.

19 April 2012

I would just like to preface this by saying I should be finding sources for my Shakespeare project (including writing an annotated bibliography--a very tedious task, let me tell you), writing a short (1500 words/5 pages) paper for my lit class, writing another paper for my history class, and working on an extra reaction paper for my major black writers class. But I'm not. I'm here, complaining about my roommate, again.

Seems to be a common theme, huh?

Anyway.

Caisey was going through a rough patch with Christian recently. It was pretty rough for a while there. It got to the point where Caisey told me that she didn't see their relationship lasting through the summer. Her exact words to me were "I'm just biding my time." I assume she meant until that awkward time of avoiding texts and calls and Facebook messages until she could change her relationship status to "single."

I was actually kind of glad to hear this news.

It's not that I don't like Christian. He's a good guy, and we actually have a lot of things in common. He's not the problem.

It's them together.

Everyone has this kind of friend. Every single person on the face of the planet has the friend who is awesome when she's single, but is incredibly annoying when in a relationship. Everyone knows the girl who all-of-a-sudden turns into this sappy, whiny, lovesick fool who only wants to talk about her relationship or her boyfriend. And if you don't have this friend, then I hate to break it to you, but you're that friend.

I'm not saying that to be rude or cruel or mean in any way. It's just a fact. I was that friend at one point in my life. And then my friends told me I was being an asshole and I realized that not everyone wanted to hear about how "my boyfriend did this" and "my boyfriend did that" and "oh yeah, my boyfriend tried something like that!"

Needless to say, it gets old quickly.

Which brings me back to Caisey and Christian. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Caisey is not a good girlfriend. She's too independent to be in a committed, exclusive relationship. She values her freedom to do whatever the hell she wants more than trying to spare one guy's feelings for an extended period of time. That being said, I know of at least two occasions where she's cheated on Christian just during this past fall semester. One was about a week after she and Christian became exclusive, and the other was maybe a week before classes let out for Christmas break.

I've recently become aware of another instance.

I knew Caisey had slept with an acquaintance of Christian's last semester before she and Christian even started talking. I knew she had been battling her "feelings" for him for a good while before Christmas. I even knew that he still had a thing for her. It was the reason she didn't visit his frat house very often--she didn't want to be around a bunch of his brothers, start drinking, and then end up sleeping with him again.

I didn't know that she agreed to meet up with him after her shift at work two and a half weeks ago.

I understand that 31  March was a while ago, and definitely happened during her rough patch with Christian, but that doesn't give her the right to cheat on Christian again. For all that she complained about him and how he was smothering her and pissing her off with juvenile things all the time, she sure didn't have a problem jumping into bed--or into car, rather--with another freshman guy that she's banged before.

That puts a whole new spin on her harping at me for not "approving" of her boyfriend. I mean, how dare she bitch at me for not being fair to her boyfriend when she's the one screwing around on him. She flirts with other guys constantly. She's openly sleeping around on him and deflecting her guilt onto me. That's not fair at all, is it?

I sure as hell don't think so.

I digress, though. Again.

Like I said, Caisey went through a really rough patch with Christian recently. She told me that they weren't going to last through the summer, and that she was biding her time until things ended awkwardly (or so I assumed). She told me that she either had to talk to him and get him to stop acting like an immature asshole, or they were going to have to break up. At that point, though, I honestly thought it would have been better for them to break up, because I had witnessed on several occasions Christian being immature and selfish. I had seen Caisey ask Christian to do something and have him say "no" and go on doing whatever he was doing before (doesn't sound like a big deal, but in the moment, it was one of those moments that painted him in a negative light). Caisey told me about all these things that he had done when they went on their spring break trip to visit her family, and complained about every single thing he did (this took about an hour).

So, when Caisey told me that she'd talked to Christian, and that things were going to get better, I was equally relieved and annoyed. I was happy that things were going better for her, but I was also a bit disappointed that she was going to continue to be with him.

The problem, she told me, was that he was always, always, wanting to hang out and spend time with her. She said that he was spending too much time with her, and that he was smothering her with all the love and affection.  That was understandable, because I've always been a firm believer that too much time together was more detrimental to a relationship than not enough time. There's a reason the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder" exists. I've never heard any axiom to the likes of "spending every waking minute of your time together makes your relationship stronger and more likely to last forever," have you?

I didn't think so.

Anyway, it got a little better for her. Christian didn't hang around the apartment as much, and Caisey seemed much happier--and easier to be around. Even our other friends noticed it. Caisey even told me that the reason that things were better was because "I made him stop spending so much time here."

So imagine my surprise when I start seeing him around more this past week.

• Monday I came back to our room and found the both of them asleep in Caisey's bed. He stayed until Caisey and I had to leave for our sorority meeting at 7.
• Tuesday I got back to the apartment and saw them sitting on the couch watching TV and cuddling again.
• Yesterday (Wednesday) I found them both in our room again, just hanging out.
• And today (Thursday) he came over to "help with laundry." I fail to see why she needs her boyfriend over to do laundry, since she was perfectly capable of doing her own laundry for months before he started showing up.

Call me crazy, but having your boyfriend over every day for a week doesn't seem to agree with not having him "spend so much time here." The last time I checked, in order for Boyfriend to not smother you, he wasn't supposed to be at our apartment all the time...

That's right, right?

Or am I just bitter?

I really don't think I'm being bitter.

UPDATE: 20 APRIL 2012


I came back to my room and they were asleep in her bed again. I really thought the whole point of him not being here so much was he wasn't here at our apartment so much.

I guess I was wrong.

And she was complaining about him always having to know where she is and what she plans on doing, but he never tells her when he's going on trips with his family and friends.

I gave my input--since she was asking for it--and then she got snippy with me and told me, "well, whatever the issue is, it's mine and his problem."

UM. SCUSE ME. DON'T BITCH ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND TO ME IF YOU'RE GOING TO DISREGARD MY OPINION AND WRITE ME OFF ENTIRELY. I don't appreciate that.

And now she's furiously typing away on her phone, probably to Christian about how I hate him and how I think he's a horrible person and that I don't approve of him and blah blah blah blah...

I'm sick of this shit.

They should just break up and leave me out of it.